


Whispers

by Fadedmon2



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: ALL ABOARD THE ANGST TRAIN, Clan Lavellan - Freeform, Demons, Evil Fade Solas, F/M, Loss, Nightmares, Not Giving Up, Raven Lavellan having to cope with heartbreak, Sadness, Surprise Kiss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-28
Updated: 2016-05-28
Packaged: 2018-07-10 16:36:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6996046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fadedmon2/pseuds/Fadedmon2
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After "the scene" in Crestwood, Raven Lavellen has a nightmare. She has to make it back to Skyhold alone. The Commander finds her and brings her back. She has to finally face the man that left her broken. Lots of feels in this one. Enjoy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Whispers

Please don’t leave me...not now...now when I love you.. Her words were a whisper on the wind. She felt the ground spinning and soon she was on her knees clawing at the grass for some leverage. She felt her heart racing, her pulse quickening. She tried so hard to keep it in, to lock it away and never let it out, but she was weak and broken. She cried out a loud sorrowful scream  
“Why?” the spirits floating in the air scattered and all magic that was once there, was gone. She shattered into a million pieces on the ground. Sobbing and begging the Creators to end her suffering. She heard the fen howl in sorrow and the birds sang a melancholy song. She laid on the ground clutching her wrist, screaming until her voice was gone and all that was left was silence. A deafening silence that reminded her of an inevitable truth...she was alone. She didn’t want to, but her eyes were heavy and she couldn’t fight it, she drifted into the Fade.

“Keeper! I want you to meet Solas, my beloved.” she beamed with pride as she presented him to Deshana. He was as stoic as ever, not very interested in being around a bunch of Dalish elves, but he humored her. He loved her and this was something that made her smile.  
“Andiran atishan Solas” Deshana smiled and bowed her head “It is good to see you da’len” she smiled at Raven  
“It is good to see you too Keeper” she beamed “Where are the others hahren?” she asked looking around  
“Telani is leading a hunting party. Dimetri is tending to the halla-”  
“And papae? Where is papae?” she asked excitedly  
“He is awaiting your arrival in the aravel da’len. Josh, Josh! Let him meet your beloved.” she ushered the two out into the camp  
“Ma serranas Keeper! Dareth shiral!” she said excitedly wrapping her arms around Deshana and squeezing her tightly.  
“You deserve happiness da’len.” she whispered into Ravens ear then ushered her on. Solas smirked and gave a slight bow of his head to the Keeper and she in kind.

“You haven’t said much since we got here ma lath.” she said rubbing nervous circles on his hand with her thumb “Are you not happy?”  
“No vhenan. I am quite happy. This is just...new to me...I will work on it.” he smiled placing a kiss to her forehead  
“Ar lath ma Solas” she leaned her head on his shoulder and he wrapped his arm around her  
“Ar lath ma vhenan.” he whispered kissing the top of her head  
They walked in that embrace up to the aravel Keeper Deshana had pointed to, then she nervously knocked on the wall.  
“Papae? It’s Raven...I’m back Papae...and I have brought someone.” she smiled looking at Solas  
A small man appeared, he had a bright toothless grin and the many years of his age shown on his face, but she wrapped her arms around her Papae and cried into his shoulder.  
“Raven...my Raven” he pet her hair and kissed her cheek “I never thought I’d see you again da’len!” the old man was crying tears of joy and relief  
“Yes Papae..It’s me..I’m back...oh how I missed you.” she smiled holding the man’s hands in her own  
“And this?” he smiled at Solas throwing his arms wide “must be the man I have heard so much about!” she smirked as Solas looked at her confused, then her Papae was hugging him and Solas looked even more confused. Raven just laughed.  
“Andiran atishan Solas!” he smiled releasing Solas and placing a withered hand on his shoulder. He gave the man an unsure look and was searching in Raven’s eyes for what he should do. She smiled shaking her head and mouthed   
“Shake his hand.” so Solas did and Raven’s Papae was pleased by the gesture.  
“Come Come! Come in and sup with me. I want to hear all about your journeys da’len. And I have some questions for you young man.” he gently ribbed Solas  
They talked for what seemed like hours. She told funny stories about her companions and her Papae laughed until he was crying. She told him of the final battle and he was gumming his bottom lip with anticipation. Then she told of how she and Solas had fallen in love and he gushed remembering her Mamae. She was so content and happy in this moment, she never wanted it to end.  
“So when do I get some grand babies?” he asked eagerly ribbing Solas again. Solas nearly spewed the wine her papae had saved for such a special meeting. She turned a few shades of red herself.  
“Papae.” she scolded  
“What? I want some little one’s to bounce on my knee before I’m too rickety to move da’len.” he laughed another toothless grinning laugh  
“Papae we haven’t discussed such things yet. And there is still the Inquisition. We still have some duties to fulfill.” she tried to hide the disappointment in her tone  
“Well then don’t make me wait too long.” he ribbed Solas again and she just shook her head smiling  
“We need to get back to camp now Papae” she smiled “We will come see you tomorrow”  
He stood and hugged her then hugged Solas again  
“You treat my daughter right young man. She is the most important person in my life.” Solas bowed his head “And you da’len” he wrapped his arms around her “you get to workin on some grand babies for me, ya hear?” he pet her head and hugged her tight “Ar lath ma Raven.”  
“Ar lath ma Papae” she sniffled  
“You deserve happiness my da’len.” he whispered in her ear  
The two then walked out of the Dalish camp and headed to their own tent.  
“Thank you Solas.”  
“For what vhenan?”  
“For coming with me. I know you dislike the Dalish, but this meant so much to me ma lath. My Papae loves you.” she smiled  
He turned slowly to her with a look that terrified her. He had red eyes like flame and sharp pointed teeth. “Foolish da’len!” his voice was malicious  
“Solas? What...What’s wrong with you?” she asked, her voice cracking slightly  
“What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with you?” he glared “Stupid, foolish da’len!”  
“Why are you being so cruel?” she asked cowering away  
“You idiot! I left you! I never loved you! This never happened! Don’t you remember?” he stalked closer to her until he was at her ear “Don’t you remember what you did to your own clan?” he whispered  
She closed her eyes and a flood of visions hit her. Leliana handing her the missive. The flash of dead and broken bodies laying in ash. Her Papae, her Keeper, her friends, her clan.   
“NO!” she screamed remembering  
“No!” he mocked her “Stupid, foolish, little girl! I could never love you! You are a murderer! A liar!”  
She fell to her knees shaking. Rocking herself and shaking her head.  
“You called me vhenan...you said you loved me” she sobbed shaking  
“I Lied!” he laughed “And you were too stupid to realize it! Just like you are too stupid to realize that you will die! Corepheous will kill you!”  
“No! You’re wrong. He does love me! I will defeat Corepheous!”  
“Then why did I leave you?” he sneered  
“I...I...I don’t know.” she buried her face in her hands and cried  
“Weeping, weak, stupid da’len!” he seethed continuing to stalk her.  
“Leave me demon!” she wept  
“Your desperation..Your fear..Your Sorrow...Your Despair...it is intoxicating mortal one!”  
“Wake up. Wake up. Wake up. Wake up!” she repeated the words like a mantra. She could hear the demon scream and the Fade shook. She was trembling, rocking herself, shaking her head no and trying desperately to wake herself. Then on the wind, a small breeze blew by her ear and she heard the whisper   
”wake up”  
She jolted up covered in a cold sweat and gasping for air. She felt her head spinning and her body ached. She felt her heart wretch and she felt the tremble in her hands when she raised them to her face. She needed to leave, to get out of this place. She stood up, wobbly and tried to get her bearings. She was weak and she felt every little pain in her nerves. She wrapped her arms around herself and made the long way back to camp.  
She was surprised to see a warm fire awaiting her his last good deed. She went up to the fire and warmed her freezing hands. She could hear thunder in the distance but it was no match for the storm brewing inside her. Harden your heart to a dagger’s edge and use that pain to defeat Corepheous that’s what he had said to her when she asked why Because I was foolish and selfish. Because I am cruel. It doesn’t matter now. Yet it did matter. She had more questions than answers and all she had to show for a two year companionship, was a shattered heart, a bare face, and hole inside her. She was not whole anymore. He had taken a piece of her and destroyed it. And her face, bare and free. He had gifted her (though it didn’t feel like a gift now) with removing her vallaslin. She had laid her whole self bare before him in that one moment of trust. She leaped from the cliff but he wasn’t there to catch her. She should have known. His kiss was more passionate than any she had ever received from him. She thought he was finally letting go. Finally opening up to her. But no. He was ending it with her. Dashing her hopes and dreams of any future with him. She felt the cold chill of loneliness again. She tried to calm herself, but she failed miserably. Her hands were still shaking and she was still a wreck. 

Raven doused the fire and packed up her campsite, then mounted her hart. The beast pawed the ground and with a slight nudge of her heel, he took off. She felt the cool mist of the storm starting to fall as the wind whipped past her. She heard the crack of thunder and watched the skies light up. She raced through Crestwood as the villagers waved and bowed to her. She nudged the hart again and he increased his speed. Everything was a blur past her. A sea of colors and shapes. Her eyes went blurry with her tears and she was shaking again. Soon they were in the Hinterlands. She decided to stop to let the hart rest. She refused to go back to sleep. So she watched as the beautiful hart slept and she let her mind wander again. What if she never went back? What if she just kept running? Corepheous would most likely win and she would have to stay hidden, but she would be free. Free from pain. No she couldn’t leave. Far too many people depended on her for their survival. It was ironic really, Solas had freed her only to realize that she was a slave to circumstance. She was stuck with the Inquisition until Corepheous laid in ashes and probably ever after.

It took three days to get back to Skyhold, and would have taken longer had Commander Cullen not found her. He had a look of worry and something deeper in his amber gaze. She was weak from sobbing and lack of sleep, so when he lifted her off her hart and cradled her in his arms as he placed her on Harry, his Fereldon Fodder, then held her as they made their way back to Skyhold. She didn’t complain, she didn’t argue, she was gone, her mind long from her body. She didn’t hear Cullen’s sigh or the way his heart raced when she could no longer hold it in and cried. Or how his jaw clenched when she would shudder. They didn’t speak. He just held her as she shattered over and over again. Until they were finally at the gates of Skyhold. Cassandra, Josephine, Leliana, Varric, and Dorian were gathered at the gate with looks of worry, that soon turned to elation at the sight of the small elf in the Commander’s embrace.  
“She looks awful Commander? Where did you find her?” Cassandra’s voice laden with sadness  
“She was wandering the Hinterlands on her mount. She hasn’t said a word.” Cullen was fighting back a rising rage  
“How did she lose her markings? I thought they were permanent?” Josephine’s thick accent  
“So did I”  
“I have spoken to Chuckles, but he won’t speak about it.” Varric says with a low voice  
“I tried picking the hobo’s brain as well, he is even more tight lipped than usual.” Dorian uses humor to hide pain  
“Then I guess we have no choice, but to wait until she is ready to speak.” Leliana’s honey sweet voice “Commander please take her to her quarters. I’ll send for a healer. Varric, inform Solas that she has returned, maybe he will more forthcoming with information now.”   
Raven shook her head vigorously and repeated the word no like a mantra when she heard Solas’ name.   
“Please Commander. Take to her quarters.”  
She felt herself being lifted off Harry and once again cradled in the Commander’s arms. She heard gasps and whispers as he carried her through the Great Hall. She wrapped her arms around his neck and turned into him to hide her face in his chest. He held her tighter, a silent promise to never let her fall. A silent promise to be there when she needed him.  
He kicked open the door and walked up the last few steps and over to her bed. He laid her down so delicately, like she was an injured halla. He brushed the soft pitch hair from her face and cupped her cheek tenderly. She stared blankly at the wall not phased by the tender gesture. Cullen walked over the the hearth and placed a few logs before grabbing the flint stone and sparking a fire to life. The shadows of the flames danced across the room and upon her porcelain skin. She shuddered and he took off his cloak and placed it over her. He wanted to take away her pain, make it all disappear so he could see her beautiful smile again. Anything but the gone look in her deep blue eyes and the blank stare she was stuck in. He sat down next to her and hesitated to touch her, but decided that he would rub her back. So he did, he rubbed her back in slow tender movements until he heard her sigh. He looked over to her and she was looking at him. Actually looking into his eyes, and he felt his heart skip.  
“How are you feeling Inquisitor?” he asked hoping there was no break in his tone  
“Drained” she squeaked speaking into her hand “How about you Commander?”  
“I am fine Inquisitor.” he smiled  
“That’s good” she turned onto her back and looked at him “Why can’t more men be like you Commander?” she asked smiling, though it was forced  
“I beg your pardon Inquisitor?” he was blushing  
“Your loyalty. Your fearless sacrifice for duty. Your courage. Your devout faith. How is it that there aren’t more men like you in Thedas?” she cocked her ears forward  
“I...uh..guess I don’t know Inquisitor.” his blush was creeping to his ears  
“The woman who had your heart is lucky indeed Commander.” she closed her eyes curling into herself and fighting the tears in her eyes  
“Inquisitor? What happened?” he asked cautiously placing his palm on her arm  
“I was an idiot to believe anyone could ever love me Commander.” she shuddered  
“That’s not true Inquisitor.” he closed his eyes  
“Isn’t it though. The man I fell in-love with took me to the most romantic place I had ever seen in my life. He told me I was beautiful. He kissed me passionately. Then he told me I was special and deserved the truth. He told me my vallaslin was slave markings from ancient times and I let him take it. I trusted him. So he cast his spell and told me I was free. Then he kissed me again and turned and left me alone. Told me he was distracting me from my duties and it would never happen again. He took the last piece of me, I gave it to him, and then he just left. I am alone again, and I still don’t know what I did. I don’t know why Commander!” she was crying again “I gave him my heart and he shattered it.”  
“He is an idiot Inquisitor!” Cullen was holding her hands in his “You are a remarkable woman. Any man would be lucky to have you!” she scoffed  
“I’m a Dalish mage with a bareface and some strange magic pouring from my hand. No man would want that.”  
“Raven!” her gaze snapped up to meet his “I mean uh... Maker forgive me...you are so much more than he took from you.” she sat up leaning on her knees  
“Commander I appreciate what you are trying to do, but the last thing I need is pity.”   
“It’s...not pity” he was rubbing the back of his neck “it’s the truth.”  
“So you are telling me that there is a man out there willing to overlook that I disgraced my very heritage, that I am an abomination by the human god’s standards, that I am a walking disaster dripping with magic in my palm, that I so easily fell for the sweet talking apostate so much so that I was blind to him ending our two year companionship, because I can’t call two kisses (one in the Fade mind you) and a dance, a relationship. I followed him like a lost puppy and he dangled my leash in my face teasing me, but I still followed. Ya men will be lined up around the corner Commander.”  
Cullen couldn’t take this anymore. Not from her. Without even thinking he leaned over and took her face in his hands and kissed her. A deep longing kiss. When he pulled away she was crying.  
“Raven.” he coaxed her to look at him “Any man would be lucky to have you. And perhaps be more deserving of such a beauty.” then he leaned into her ear a whispered “You deserve happiness Raven.”  
“Ahem” a voice cleared by the steps  
Both of them turned to see the one person neither one wanted to. “Perhaps you should go Commander.” he challenged  
“Perhaps you should apostate.” Cullen seethed  
“Perhaps you both should.” she stated softly still fighting her tears  
“By your leave Inquisitor” Cullen stated bowing and making sure to glare at Solas all the way down the stairs and out the door.  
“Vhenan.” she shot him a daring glare  
“Don’t you dare call me that Solas!” she raged  
“Please Raven.” she waited but he just let the plea set there then he spoke “I am pleased to see you are well.” she scoffed  
“I am not well Solas. I am heartbroken and barefaced and...alone.” she choked on that word “Why?” she begged looking into his eyes  
“I am afraid the answer will only lead to more questions. Please just know that it had to be done ma lath.” he dropped his gaze  
“NO!” she practically screamed  
“No?” he raised an eyebrow  
“No! You don’t get to make me fall in-love with you then just walk away and say it had to be done! NO!”  
“Please vhenan.-”  
“Tel vhenan Solas! You don’t destroy your heart and say it had to be done!”  
He quickly shifted the subject away from this dangerous place she pushed. He needed her to focus on anything else.  
“I see that the Commander wasted no time in scooping you up Inquisitor.” his voice was laden with accusation and dripping with jealousy  
“Venavis! You don’t get to be mad because he surprised me with a kiss Solas. I meant every word of what I said. I wish there were more men like the Commander in Thedas. I wouldn’t be brokenhearted right now if you were more like him.”  
“Fenhedis! Don’t compare me to that shem Inquisitor!”   
“That shem found me in the Hinterlands and stayed with me all the way to Skyhold! That shem didn’t leave me alone in Crestwood with a broken heart and a million questions and no answers! That shem has been loyal to me from the first day I met him! That shem was the only one that wanted- actually wanted me to survive the attack at Haven! Not because I was a shemlen deity but because I was someone he cared for. Maybe romantically. Maybe not. It doesn’t matter. That shem is the furthest from a shem by any means!” she realized she was standing in front of him now her fists balled and he had the most infuriating look on his face. That stoic, unmoved, uncaring look. “AHHH!” she screamed and didn’t realize she had slapped him until he grabbed his cheek and the look of pure shock was on his face. She was prepared to apologize when she saw a wicked feral look spread across Solas’ face.  
“So Inquisitor” he grinned “you have fallen for a shem. The Commander of the Inquisition no less” he was stalking her like prey his grin spreading  
“I have not fallen for the Commander Solas. I know he has feelings for me, but I just can’t”  
“Why?”  
“Because you idiot! I believe there is still hope for you.” she wiped the tears from her eyes  
“Even if you don’t. Now leave. You are distracting me from my duties. And it was you that said you would never do so again.”  
For the first time in centuries Solas was speechless. He couldn’t find any words to combat her statement. To refute it and challenge her. She had spoke a truth that terrified him. He had hurt her, even though he had tried not to. And she still loved him. Still hoped for him. He had done nothing to deserve her devotion and yet she refused to give up. Even with a man ready to worship her very feet. She waited for Solas. She hoped for him. Silently he bowed and walked out of her chambers, closing her door behind him. He heard her let loose the sob she was holding in and it was unbearable. He ran to his quarters and buried his face in his pillow choking on his own sobs. He lifted his face and whispered into the night air  
“You deserve happiness vhenan.”


End file.
